9:42 PM: Hey guy who won best adapted screenplay for "Precious", you can borrow my asthma medicine
9:47 PM: Mo'Nique wins Best Supporting Actress. Great job.
9:50 PM: Every time I see British films during this telecast, it reminds that I have a dental appointment on April 5th. It also makes me say words like "Tosser" or "Bollocks" like I have British Tourette's Syndrome (BTS)
9:54 PM: Sigourney Weaver resembles her first name: long and unwieldy
9:56 PM: James Cameron appears to have married an extra from the Grateful Dead's "Touch of Gray" video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmT6udys8Tc
9:58 PM: A showhorse has made all the other showhorses proud. They are presenting a best costume Oscar
10:00 PM: Oh jeez, Charlize Theron, my pants seem to be moving on their own ... my favorite president was Woodrow Wilson
10:01 PM: OMG, how could I do an Oscar blog without mentioning what I am wearing: Today, my ensemble includes the designer Nike layered with Ralph Lauren with pants from the French designer Target. Socks by Greek designer Hanes.
10:03 PM: Hey Kristen Stewart, it is ok to eat, really, have a donut or something and your posture is awful
10:05 PM: [screaming] the redrum girls from "The Shining", pants that were moving on their own about 5 minutes ago are now wet
10:08 PM: OMG! Zac Effron!
10:10 PM: Seriously, I know vampires are the new thing in Hollywood, but a best sound editing Oscar win to a Vampire????
10:12 PM: Really??? Two wins for a Vampire??????
10:20 PM: Presenting Science Fiction's Greatest Work: Demi Moore!
10:47 PM: Hey ABC7 weekend anchor. How you doin?
10:48 PM: JLo, the winning America's Cup Sail and a British Dude wearing the old guy's glasses from "Up"
10:55 PM: Oh jeez, Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper, if only I could be that handsome. They were my professors at H.U.
11:25 PM: Um, can you tell I am getting a bit tired?
11:30 PM: Colin Farrell introducing Jeremy Renner. I wish I had some Lucky Charms
11:35 PM: Jeff Bridges wins Best Actor. He finally thanked his wife, Sue. I guess it is true that you eventually start resembling your spouse
11:38 PM: Ok, the time guessing is over. I have finally caught up. Hey Margaret, I might be late to work tomorrow ...
11:39 PM: Apple seems to pushing a ginormous Ipod Touch
11:40 PM: Forest Whitaker has lost some serious weight. He must be on Kristen Stewarts diet, i think it's called "The Hunger Strike"
11:45 PM: All jokes aside, I hope Gabby wins Best Actress
11:48 PM: Who ever thought that "Jeff Spicoli" would become so damn serious. Hey Sean Penn, bugs are not supposed to be in your butt
11:53 PM: Is Barbara Streisand married to Steven Spielberg? (See 11:35 PM)
11:55 PM: Wait to go Babs, you made the black director hold his breath before disappointing the heck out of him ("the time has come")
11:58 PM: Tom Hanks ready to close out the show. Jeez, I am spent. Woo! "The Hurt Locker"
11:59 PM: The three actors in the back of the producer and director of "Hurt Locker" appear to have been O.B.E.
12:01 PM: Shout out to all in uniform! Woo!
12:02 PM: James Cameron's next film will involve some sort of revenge theme.
Good night.
It was like I was there except this might have been more exciting.
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