Oscars Blog, Part 2 (warning: political incorrectness ensues; plus potential spoiler alerts)

8:33 PM: NPH opens the show.
8:36 PM: Um, did Melanie Griffith actually add length to her head? Her face looks like Mrs. Potatohead
8:41 PM: Is George Clooney just acting like a douche? I mean, he is an actor, right?
8:43 PM: First Jew joke of the night. good one
8:45 PM: Penelope Cruz is wearing drapery. I'm glad Anita isn't watching. She might want to put Penelope Cruz in our living room
8:47 PM: How did Professor Dumbledore get nominated for an Oscar? I thought he was a fictional character
8:52 PM: "The Blind Side" is based on the story of offensive tackle Michael Oher. I hear "Precious" was a good movie too
8:54 PM: Whenever they cut to the crowd before a commercial break, I keep reminding myself to buy more saran wrap
8:56 PM: Great JKL commercial with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner
8:59 PM: "Up" Best Animated Feature. It's a lock that the orchestra will start playing 13 seconds into acceptance speech
9:00 PM: I think Melanie Griffith patterned her latest plastic surgery on the guy who accepted the award for "Up"
9:01 PM: Oh geez, Bradley Cooper, oh geez
9:02 PM: "The Princess and the Frog" with a couple of original song nominations. Speaking of "frogs", is that weasel Roman Polanski hiding in France?
9:03 PM: T Bone Burnett always wins best original song. Is he like the tall version of James Cameron? He's as tall as an Avatar
9:10 PM: Mark Boal, winner of best original screenplay, seems to be longingly stroking his Oscar statuette. Thank you for mentioning the soldiers and the sacrifices they have and continued to make
9:12 PM: Jeez, Molly Ringwald. John Hughes retrospective
9:13 PM: "Those aren't pilloooowws!"
9:14 PM: Oh jeez, Sloane Peterson ... grrrrrrrr
9:16 PM: Hey, Judd Nelson, you can borrow my beard trimmer if you want
9:21 PM: Um, excuse if I fast forward past the Best Short Film part
9:28 PM: Wow, "Music for Prudence" winners, thanks for that hella awkward moment
9:31 PM: Ben Stiller in "Avatar" makeup really looks like Tom Cruise
9:33 PM: I almost don't want to post this last hour. It's a lame sandwich
9:37 PM: Cottonelle commercial reminds me to never go eat at IHOP after midnight when only high school or college age kids are working
9:40 PM: "Precious" is nominated for best adapted screenplay. I wonder if the Redskins are going to be able to address all of their offensive line needs during the offseason.