Oscars 2013: The Blog, Part II

There has been about a 30 minute segment of terribly boring awards.  I hope you will tune in to Part II though.  Hopeful that things will get more entertaining.

9:40 PM:  I could watch Daniel Day Lewis play any role.  I would watch him play Tony Romo in a film called: "Every Which Way To Lose"
9:47 PM:  If my screenplay about a guy who writes a blog to an imaginary audience, I think I have a shot at a Best Original Screenplay Oscar.  In keeping with the suburban theme, I would totally be wearing Target to the Red Carpet.

9:49 PM:  The back of Jennifer Garner's dress reminds me of the TV show the kids have been watching recently:  Dragon Tales
9:54PM:  John Travolta on stage and looking like he could use a massage and um, his hair looks um, rejuvenated, if you will ...
9:55 PM:  Jiminy Christmas!  CZ-J looks great!  She reminds me of some of the cougars that show up at the local bars of the suburbs
9:58:  Good Lord!  how many Weight Watchers points can you deduct for having to listen to Jennifer Hudson for the 7,339th time this year?  I kid, that B can sing

Hold Me Now [please Anne Hathaway]

10:01 PM:  Hugh Jackman is so GD handsome

10:02 PM:  Anne Hathaway's haircut reminds me of the lead singer of the Thompson Twins
10:13 PM:  They really could cut the show down to about an hour and a half
10:16 PM:  Dude that won tie for Sound Editing?  Looks like shaving injury or something above his lip.
10:16 PM:  I guess long haired guys are locks to win Sound Editing awards.  Makes sense
10:20 PM:  Best Supporting Actress award ... finally something of substance.
10:23 PM:  Anne Hathaway beat a bunch of old ladies and Amy Adams.
10:23 PM:  OMG Hugh Jackman's wife?  A pants suit?????
10:30 PM:  I really need to do more research before trying to blog about the Oscars.
10:31 PM:  I have nothing when it comes to Oscars small talk
10:33 PM:  If your name is William Goldenberg, do you think you know as a child that you will eventually make it to Hollywood?
10:35 PM:  Performing "Skyfall" Melissa McCarthy of "Mike and Molly" fame
10:36 PM:  Whatever happened to Susan Boyle?
10:38 PM:  I'm predicting a standing ovation
10:38 PM:  Anita noticed Adele's Louis Vuitton shoes
10:39 PM:  The old Hollywood people's legs were too tired for the standing ovation

gimme drugs, can't believe i cheated on
my pasty boyfriend

10:44 PM:  Nicole Kidman!  I don't need the constant reminder that I forgot the dang Saran Wrap and will not be able to take advantage of the great deal that ended today
10:46 PM:  I wonder if Anita would want to see "Silver Linings Playbook" if Philip Seymour Hoffman was playing the lead role instead Bradley Cooper
10:48 PM:  Kristen Stewart, strung out on something like usual.  Poor Harry Potter.  He's going to have to hold her up pretty soon




10:55:  Beginning to realize, that after about 2 1/2 hours of sitting in front of this dumb awards show with my laptop, 8 people might read this.  Maybe this isn't my future meal ticket as I have always believed ... @:(  [indian sad face]
11:02 PM:  Babs, even before the light came on, Anita knew it was her from her nose
11:03 PM:  If you put a beard on Barbara Streisand, she would potentially be a nominee for directing a film about the 16th president of the United States
11:07 PM:  I need to go back to the commercial teasing about a new reality contest about celebrities diving.  and here we go, it's that commercial again.  Kareem Abdul Jabbar diving?

You had me at your job's your credit

11:09 PM:  Renee Zelwegger's "face looks jacked up", as Anita put it.  She's pretty wrecked too.  Richard Gere was clearly trying to give her a hard time.  Her squinting has gotten worse. She looks like Gilbert Gottried in the new Eastern Motors commercial with Brian Orakpo
11:17 PM:  Oh no, Adele won.  She's going to start crying
11:22 PM:  Charlize Theron ... any effect she may have had on my midsection, has been counteracted by Dustin Hoffman.
11:26 PM:  Skinny Stiffler wins Best Adapted Screenplay!
11:27 PM:  Quentin Tarantino wins Best Original Screenplay.  I love that f-in goofball
11:34 PM:  My bird, ParrottyBird likes Jane Fonda's yellow dress
11:34 PM:  Ang Lee in an upset for Best Director!
11:39 PM:  Never thought I would say this:  The lingerie commercial from JC Penney made me gasp out loud and start wheezing just a bit.
11:39 PM:  I'm ok with Debbie Harry lending "Rapture" to help liquor.  Liquor is helping us raise two girls in this day and age.
11:43 PM:  Old lady from "Amour" clip for Best Actress had to be the one where she was B-slapped? really????
11:44 PM:  Jennifer Lawrence tripped on her way up and I was just saying how impressive it was that she won ...  of course Hugh Jackman ran up to help.  He's such a GD dashing gentleman.
11:46 PM:  I"m trying to argue with Anita that Daniel Day Lewis' acting is more handsome than Bradley Cooper's face
11:48 PM:  Watching Hugh Jackman with his wife and he looks (dead inside being with her)
11:49 PM:  I love this guy DDL, but I feel bad for Joaquin.  he deserves an Oscar after all his performances.
11:53 PM:  OMG, conservative bloggers/radio hosts/Fox News, etc are going to have a field day with FLOTUS talking about the Best Picture.  This likely cost $1 Trillion.
11:56 PM:  FLOTUS gives the Oscar to Argo.  I'm sure it was an Executive Order
11:59 PM:  I am loving Ben Affeck's fast speech.
12:01 AM:  It has been confirmed ... 2013 is the year of the beard!   and to quote Quentin Tarantino ... Peace out!

Oscars Blog, Part 3 (warning: political incorrectness ensues; plus potential spoiler alerts)

9:42 PM: Hey guy who won best adapted screenplay for "Precious", you can borrow my asthma medicine
9:47 PM: Mo'Nique wins Best Supporting Actress. Great job.
9:50 PM: Every time I see British films during this telecast, it reminds that I have a dental appointment on April 5th. It also makes me say words like "Tosser" or "Bollocks" like I have British Tourette's Syndrome (BTS)
9:54 PM: Sigourney Weaver resembles her first name: long and unwieldy
9:56 PM: James Cameron appears to have married an extra from the Grateful Dead's "Touch of Gray" video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmT6udys8Tc
9:58 PM: A showhorse has made all the other showhorses proud. They are presenting a best costume Oscar
10:00 PM: Oh jeez, Charlize Theron, my pants seem to be moving on their own ... my favorite president was Woodrow Wilson
10:01 PM: OMG, how could I do an Oscar blog without mentioning what I am wearing: Today, my ensemble includes the designer Nike layered with Ralph Lauren with pants from the French designer Target. Socks by Greek designer Hanes.
10:03 PM: Hey Kristen Stewart, it is ok to eat, really, have a donut or something and your posture is awful
10:05 PM: [screaming] the redrum girls from "The Shining", pants that were moving on their own about 5 minutes ago are now wet
10:08 PM: OMG! Zac Effron!
10:10 PM: Seriously, I know vampires are the new thing in Hollywood, but a best sound editing Oscar win to a Vampire????
10:12 PM: Really??? Two wins for a Vampire??????
10:20 PM: Presenting Science Fiction's Greatest Work: Demi Moore!
10:47 PM: Hey ABC7 weekend anchor. How you doin?
10:48 PM: JLo, the winning America's Cup Sail and a British Dude wearing the old guy's glasses from "Up"
10:55 PM: Oh jeez, Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper, if only I could be that handsome. They were my professors at H.U.
11:25 PM: Um, can you tell I am getting a bit tired?
11:30 PM: Colin Farrell introducing Jeremy Renner. I wish I had some Lucky Charms
11:35 PM: Jeff Bridges wins Best Actor. He finally thanked his wife, Sue. I guess it is true that you eventually start resembling your spouse
11:38 PM: Ok, the time guessing is over. I have finally caught up. Hey Margaret, I might be late to work tomorrow ...
11:39 PM: Apple seems to pushing a ginormous Ipod Touch
11:40 PM: Forest Whitaker has lost some serious weight. He must be on Kristen Stewarts diet, i think it's called "The Hunger Strike"
11:45 PM: All jokes aside, I hope Gabby wins Best Actress
11:48 PM: Who ever thought that "Jeff Spicoli" would become so damn serious. Hey Sean Penn, bugs are not supposed to be in your butt
11:53 PM: Is Barbara Streisand married to Steven Spielberg? (See 11:35 PM)
11:55 PM: Wait to go Babs, you made the black director hold his breath before disappointing the heck out of him ("the time has come")
11:58 PM: Tom Hanks ready to close out the show. Jeez, I am spent. Woo! "The Hurt Locker"
11:59 PM: The three actors in the back of the producer and director of "Hurt Locker" appear to have been O.B.E.
12:01 PM: Shout out to all in uniform! Woo!
12:02 PM: James Cameron's next film will involve some sort of revenge theme.

Good night.