Golden Globes Blog Part 1

It's the beginning of the awards season and I thought I would try to do a live blog.  Ricky Gervais will be hosting, which will likely be pretty funny and uncomfortable for those Hollywood blowhards.

7:58 PM:  Some British chick named Alexa judging celebrities fashion on the red carpet while wearing a red housecoat (may be in fashion, but looks like a housecoat to me)
8:00 PM:  Ricky Gervais in da house and takes a sip of beer.  Love it, he starts off by skewering Charlie Sheen.  Ok, he definitely took it easy on him
8:03 PM:  First time he gets bleeped out AND a Tom Cruise is gay joke!!!!!!
8:05 PM:  I am going to have to rewind.  Ricky Gervais' accent is thicker than I thought it was
8:06 PM:  Anita thinks Scarlett Johansson looks like the Bride of Frankenstein in her dress
8:07 PM:  Jesus, I mean Christian Bale wins Best Supporting Actor
8:07 PM:  Anita loves Christian Bale even more now that she hears his accent
8:09 PM:  Orchestra might be scared to start playing during Christian Bale's acceptance speech.  He may attack all of them.
8:10 PM:  He just got bleeped out after he said something about Robert Deniro.  Would love to know what he said.
8:10 PM:  Ladies Love Cool James, including my wife
8:11 PM:  Al Bundy is happy for Peggy's Best Supporting Actress in a TV series win
8:13 PM:  The orchestra guys are a bunch of douches
8:16 PM:  Jeez, what are you wearing Julianne Moore???
8:21 PM:  Worst acceptance speech ever.  You're in America man, learn English!
8:24 PM:  Gay kid from Glee won!!!!  Great acceptance speech.  Take that high school bullies like Paul Singh!
8:28 PM:  Holy ish!  Gwen Stefani is soooo white.  I just imagined my printer paper with some lipstick on it and looked at it longingly.
8:30 PM:  I guess they want to end Parks and Recreation which is why they added Rob "Show Killer" Lowe

8:32 PM:  I didn't know John Lithgow was the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press
8:39 PM:  Listen, Marky Mark should use all his fame and fortune to destroy all copies of his "rap music".  And yes, that includes "Good Vibrations"

I was really going to try to do this for the whole show, but I have become OBR (Overcome By Responsibilities).  I will try again for the next award show.

Milestones

I recently achieved a few major milestones in my life.  I performed "Hakuna Matata" and "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" for the 1000th time each for my daughter Ivana.  She insists that I sing with her by saying "Daddy, sing me".  Of course, I oblige and sing every part including Pumbaa, Timon, young Simba and adult Simba as well as Zazu, who was played my the same guy that played "Mr. Bean".    It is quite the tour de force.   It is a little enjoyable for me as well as I get to use my hack British accent while performing. I think sometimes, as parents we try to appease our children's requests in a half-hearted manner.  Ivana, however, demands enthusiasm at all times.  She will make me restart if I "mail it in".

These performances made me think about some of these kids movies.  When "The Lion King" first came out, I was not a big fan because I thought that Matthew Broderick's adult Simba voice was way too wimpy to be the king of jungle.  I mean, his dad was Mufasa, played my James Earl Jones.  How did Mufasa have a kid with the wimpiest voice ever????  I mean it's different if you're playing Ferris Bueller, a high school kid, but c'mon Broderick!  Then I think about Mufasa's brother, Scar, who was played by Jeremy Irons.  What were Mufasa and Scar's parents thinking when they named one son "Mufasa" and the other "Scar"??  Did they think that the kid named after the mark that remains after a wound, wouldn't be resentful and hate his brother?  I don't blame Scar for being such a douche.

Anyway, Ivana recently started watching "The Little Mermaid".  I know it can't be just Ivana, but kids love to watch the same movie over and over and over.  Upon one of the screenings of the Little Mermaid, I noticed that Ariel was just 16 years old [um, she was pretty "well developed" for 16].  That means the Prince, who looked like he was 35 was seriously robbing the cradle.  Did the writers not think of this?  Also, Ursula, the Sea Witch looks like Paula Deen.  She should have just fried some shrimp  and traded that deliciousness for Ariel's voice.

I am going to stop now as I have a deadline.  Happy New Year everyone and keep it real in 2011.