I know there are books about parenting, first time parents, etc, but we chose not read them and just "wing it". What can a book really tell you because shouldn't every experience be different? Do those books tell you that the proper way to determine if the kid has pooped is to smell their butt? Because, well, that is my strategy. In fact, last week I sniffed Ivana's butt to see if she needed a diaper change. Guess what she did for the first time in almost two years of my secret butt sniffing habit? She "tooted" in my face. I don't know when it occurred, but "toot" has replaced "fart" when it comes to describing an infant's flatulence. I am sure you are probably thinking that "jeez, Jason really has a fascination with poop, talking about poop, literally HANDling poop, smelling poop and so on and so forth." But isn't that what life is about? We deal with crap every day, whether it's our own bodily functions, the driving of Asian Americans, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, or Fox News or the Tea Party Movement (akin to a bowel Movement). It's how you deal with the crap that life hands you. Can I get an amen? I tried to slyly mention the driving of a certain ethnic group, but did you ever notice that if you go to a Walmart or wholesale club, the optometrist is a person of East Asian descent. It's almost a lock. So it brings to my mind the question that if so many East Asians are medically certified to prescribe vision correcting lenses, then why are so many East Asians so challenged at seeing other people on the road? I know it's a stereotype but I believe there are numerous studies that prove the "chink" in the armor of East Asians, is their lack of driving skill. Wouldn't it be funny to see a scene in a movie where somebody is talking to some rich guy that has a room full of ancient artifacts including a suit of armor? The person would tell the rich guy: "Ha! I have found the chink in your armor!" and then the suit of armor would walk next to the rich guy and open the faceplate thingy and it would be an East Asian dude. Jeez, i really digress and probably pissed some people off, but oh well. There are sterotypes about every ethnicity and I struggle every day with the stereotype that Indian Americans are super smart, handsome and generally perfect.
Anywho, where was I? In the last week, there were two times that I was halfway out the door and determined with my powerful sense of smell that Ivana's diaper needed to be changed. My nose is kind of a monstrosity, so it is capable of finding all the Fruit Loops in the rainforest. When you are trying to get out the door to go to work, and you smell a poopy diaper, you have a major decision on your hands. Do I let her sit in her own poop for about 40 minutes or do I spend at least 10 minutes changing the diaper (including taking off all the layers of clothing and outerwear that they have on)? I am sure those with kids have come to that crossroads at some point. What would you do? I subscribe to the school of WWJJD, What Would Jesus Jones Do? So "Right Here, Right Now", the diaper was changed.
Sometimes I wonder why Ivana hasn't been questioned by the FBI as the poop terrorist Ivana Bin Poopin.
Next post involves a tragedy that occurred about 11 years ago to Anita: the night she met me ...
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