Royally Screwed

What better time to kickstart the least updated blog about the suburbs in the Blogosphere?  The "Royal" [farce] wedding, right?  I have a strong opinion about the concept of royalty, as in I think it's bullshit, but I am putting that aside to blog about this event.  Anita has the opposite opinion about royalty, so I have decided to support her as she has always supported my love of silly things like sports teams that can't seem to win championships.  So I will suffer through this like she has suffered with me through the years of Dan Snyder's ownership of the Redskins.

Jeez, I need to take a puff of my inhaler

Anita has been up all night watching coverage so it looks like I am going to have kid duty tonight.  She has been a little too enthusiastically enthused about David Beckham's attendance at the wedding.  She was impressed with all his smiling and unimpressed with Victoria Beckham's lack of smiles.  What does she expect???  I don't think her face can move after all that surgery.

I have better teeth than this guy

So ...  do you think British people consider what they should do with their awful teeth for posh events such as a royal wedding?  God bless British teeth, because they definitely make me feel better about my grill.

I just heard the first mention of "commoners".  Ha!

It's 5:42 AM on the U.S. East Coast and the Queen is arriving at Westminster Abbey.  She might be wearing a Big Bird Costume.

Oh wow, Camilla Parker Bowles and Prince Charles have just arrived and OMG, she is wearing Jimmy Choos.

First glimpse of Kate's dress!!!  I did admit to Anita this week that I would shag Kate Middleton.  She didn't seem to realize what I said, because I wouldn't be typing right now if she did.

Oh boy, Pippa Middleton.  Good morning.

I'm amazed that it isn't raining in London today.  Ok, here we go, Kate and her dad are arriving at the Abbey.  Anita doesn't think she's going to be impressed with her wedding dress.  Time will tell ...

6:00 AM:  Catherine Middleton arrives at the Abbey.  She's wearing white ... I'm surprised.

Anita has officially poo-pooed the dress.  She thinks she could have done better.  The camera just panned to Kate's mom, Carol.  What a social climber she is!

I'm disappointed in both Prince's posture.  Stand up straight young lads!

I wonder what all these dumb commentators are going to do after this wedding?  The commentary has been awful.  I think I would rather hear nails scratching chalkboards.

I'm also disappointed that William hasn't grown an NHL Playoff Beard.

Carol Middleton wore her hat at the same
hat angle as this young chap

Wow, all this buildup and it took like 10 minutes for them to be married.  Now we have to listen to a bunch of British tossers sing inaudibly.  The hats are pretty impressive.  Some of the women are wearing them gangster style.

Kate's brother James, just did a reading.  He enjoys baking cakes, apparently.

Williams seems to be tired.  So does Anita, I had to wake her up because the choir put her to sleep.

Here comes the sermon.  Kate better kick William so he doesn't fall asleep.  Don't worry, William, the Rev. is quoting pithy phrases from Chaucer, that should perk you up.

Ha!  The people didn't know whether to stand up or keep sitting, so we just saw a bunch of crusty old british folks in a half sitting/half standing position.  Their joints are going to huuuuurt tonight.  I wonder how many people have left the Abbey during the ceremony to have a smoke?

Apparently the NBC news organization employs a lip reader.  I'm surprised that they don't employ a mind reader.  If they could read my mind right now, they wouldn't be able to air it.

One thing I can tell you is that we loved London when we went there about 6 years ago.  So much history.

William's wave is a little "fancy" for my liking.  Jeez, when the Queen and Camilla Parker Bowles stand together, I can see icicles forming on their eyebrows.

All right, I can blog no longer on this subject.